Rather than appear as an old decrepit with its outdated red roses and hearts, Valentine surprised us this year with the smell of new, as is done with used cars when they are put back on the market. The aroma is very Me Too style. Let's see. She sells lingerie, as always, 15% more than at any other date, but now celebrates the diversity of bodies with her. And there is Rihanna with her Valentine collection for all sizes. They are the same lace and transparencies as always, but highlighting the sexiest side of all women of different skin colors and folds. A mark that, with which it is falling, always sells well. Valentine arrives in very delicate underwear, but also with a language adapted to the post Me Too era and that's why the winner of the best love letter received in the Club of Juliet of Verona was, in its latest edition, that of a Cordovan who left her boyfriend "for dignity." It is the proof that the massive feminist mobilization begins to break the poisonous scaffolding of romantic love, although the truth is that, to this legendary city in which Juliet sighed for Romeo, about 10,000 letters of people, mostly women, who tell their stories open-heartedly. Do we love better and different from that first tweet that gave way to the collective cry against sexual harassment and violence? Do we finally know what is yes and what is not? Has the MeToo reached the marrow of toxic couples? Is there anything more than a magnificent staging? Are we convinced by a great corset that clings to the extra kilos? Is this the new feminism? The questions are run over and THE REASON leaves them in the hands of who can best respond. There is a desire to speak and to tell that, although the perception of machismo has changed, all that female street force is daunted when it comes to negotiating as a couple or demanding respect in sexual relationships. This is what Montserrat Ribot, psychologist and author of 'Amor de verdad', says: "The feminist clamor is muted in the intimacy of the home. Everything that the woman demands outside often silences him from inside doors and allows the imbalance. That Valentine with lingerie for all becomes a product. Yes, with much charm and better features, but product, after all. It is something that dislocates the self-esteem of any woman and then begins to compromise and believe, under the command of a misunderstood romanticism, that love can do everything. It is not that romantic love is devastating in itself, it is toxic romanticism, which implies sacrifice and compliance in any area of private life ». And if love and pain have to be the same color, virgin that I stayed as it was, says 71.3% of singles who, on the occasion of this holiday, have admitted, through a survey dating site Meetic, what the singleness is not only well seen, but also, they do not mind celebrating Valentine's Day without a partner, especially young people under 28 and those over 50. Reasons? Greater freedom, happiness and availability.
Goodbye to the macho courtship
It is fair to remember that, despite this singsong song, this website has already led to six million couples and more than 91 million people use platforms or dating applications. Valentine succumbs to any new way of loving and even quite willingly assumes clandestine loves, for which he reserves on February 13. Americans call it the Mistress Day (Day of the Lover), an unofficial party celebrated by 73% of the infidels, according to Gleeden, the extramarital dating website. And it reveals some data that makes it clear that here there is no Me Too that saves certain uses difficult to understand. For example, on February 14, the infidel chooses bouquets of red roses for the wife and reserves a table in a restaurant. But he lives this day with the hangover of a hotel night with his lover and some spicy gift. Another curious fact: When the infidel is a woman, the appointment becomes Gelentine's Day, that is, the Day of the Friends. Excellent alibi if it were not for such confidence could, from this year, raise more than one suspicion. In what seems to have made a dent in the Me Too effect is flirting. The successful courtship of always is today an expression of machismo. The psychologist José Bustamante explains that the most scandals have led many men to question some of their behaviors and, almost all of a sudden, everyone is concerned about how to speak without offending, how a gesture or joke will be interpreted and when to insinuate oneself. It turns into harassment. The slogan is simple: reciprocity and that no action on the body of the other becomes a humiliating or violent behavior. "Unfortunately," he adds, "this message does not enter into toxic relationships, where jealousy, control and possession play a fundamental part. In more egalitarian relationships, however, public empowerment has given them shelter to polish certain differences and put on the table situations in which they have felt sexually pressured. " Bustamante clarifies that the excess of aggressiveness of some speeches has caused a group of men, considering themselves feminists, to feel attacked simply because of their masculine condition. In general, for the man it is not easy. Who am I in this world? What is it to be a man today? What is expected of me? I should change? Have I crossed any red lines in my relationships? Am I sexist? These are questions that the writer Ritxar Bacete makes in his book "New Good Men" and to which, he says, they can be answered with a mirror in front identifying in oneself those elements related to toxic masculinity and the shadows themselves.
Imbalance of sexual desire
What psychologists observe in consultation is that the imbalance of sexual desire within the couple is marking a point of disagreement and it is worthwhile to stop at it. Paradoxically, despite the easy access to information and the overwhelming existence of applications to link, young people are now less sexually active. And if we judge by what most recent polls say about Spanish habits, Valentine catches us simpletons in bed, scant, uncreative, unsuspecting and with libido on the floor. According to the latest survey by the firm Control, young people find it difficult to innovate and continue to prefer the bed and the missionary. They are not even concerned about knowing the state of their partners' health (77.9% confess that they do not pay attention to this aspect). Definitely, the man lives with bewilderment the Me Too effect. The psychiatrist Walter Ghedin talks about it and considers that he is more alert now with his impulses and in a state of hypervigilance, necessary to disarticulate abusive practices, but that it can bring some retraction or fear. For the psychologist Fernando Azor, "we live in a transition stage, in which relationships are accommodated with new forms of communication, although there will always be more conflicting personalities with inability to manage frustration, jealousy or lack of love." "Two years are nothing to modify the structures of automatic human behaviors, unconscious and historically repeated, by much media visibility that has the movement started," says psychologist Esteban Cañamares. "It takes more than the gesture of a few celebrities in the movies or on television. The conquest of women in the home and in the couple is not due to Me Too, it comes from much further back. And in these changes, the man is gaining emotional contact with the children, ability to express their feelings and other things that are profits. " It is evident that no matter how much you wash your face to Valentine's Day, there is still much to be done in essence. It may be true that today we love each other more than yesterday and less than tomorrow, but the saint can not prevent that, not even in his day, in any city of Spain, let's say Madrid, every 40 minutes there is a complaint of gender violence. Or that, before finishing counting to 60, in the United States some 24 people have been raped, mistreated or harassed by their partner.
THE TRAP OF THE TROVADORES
David Viñas, professor of Literature at the University of Barcelona, goes back to the times of the troubadours to explain the tricks of a literature that idealizes women while they denigrate it. "They learned that sexual desire could be subjected to seduction norms and they invented polite love as a sign of distinction to say that everything in the court was becoming more refined. And so she is repudiated, married or removed to the convent. I fear that the Me Too movement is a clear and honorable attempt to denounce the hypocrisy of that culture that idealizes women to hide it and say that they do not want to be '' donna angelicata ''. It simply asks for respect.