The recent case of a father convicted of slapping his daughter after refusing to do his homework shows that, although the last years have been fought hard for the rights and respect of all children, discipline with violence is still valid. This parent has been sentenced to 56 days of work for the benefit of the community for the injuries he caused his daughter who took eight days to heal. A restraining order has also been filed. The court has established in its judgment that "in no case can it be understood that the right of correction justifies that a father beating a minor daughter." Hitting your child is illegal and this is indicated by Spanish law. But what about the fact of giving a whip? Although physical punishment is increasingly worse seen, it continues to raise controversy among many parents who believe that their regulation involves intruding on their way of educating.
Today the children live in a constant evaluation. "There is a colonization of childhood that has negative consequences for children, which prevents them from developing their autonomy and creativity properly," explains José Ramón Ubieto, a psychoanalyst and collaborating professor at the Open University of Catalonia. "All this means that we over-stimulate and overprotect them, creating a generation that is not allowed to evolve at their own pace, leading to the obsession of many parents to control everything their children do," adds the expert.
The affirmations as best a cake on time are based on the need to put limits on children during their development
This behavior can lead to parents losing their forms and using physical punishment, even if only punctually, as a corrective measure. And "although they are aware that it is wrong, many choose to give a slap," adds the author of the book Children Hiper (NED editions). "I am of the belief that there is no penalty for a scourge, but we have to be aware that we will not achieve the expected effect," argues Ubieto.
Many times, for example, before a small tantrum in a supermarket, parents suffer and end up giving him a spanking. "In these situations we can avoid the slap, moving away, leaving them alone, because it will happen to them. If the child notices that the situation dominates, it is not going to stop and that is when the cake arrives, due to the feeling of helplessness of the parents, which responds to the parents' current fear of losing the love of their children, "the expert points out. "The best thing to do, when we lose control several times, is to seek help. Rethink the family relationship. What is clear is that the slaps are not the resource, they are things from another era, they do not produce the effect wanted"
An investigation published in the Journal of Family Psychology in 2016, it was argued that the whipping has the opposite result to that sought by parents. The meta-study, which analyzed the data collected over 50 years with a sample of 160,000 children, concluded that cheeks are associated with a greater likelihood of developing challenging behaviors towards parents, exhibiting antisocial behaviors and suffering psychological problems, among others. For the analysis, serious physical abuse was discarded. "The whipping not only hurts when they occur, but its effect is prolonged over time," said the authors of the study of the universities of Austin and Michigan.
We can not justify any type of violence, not even the one that happens after losing our nerves or on a very specific occasion
In this line, Olga Carmona, child psychologist of the Ceibe group, believes that there is no possible debate. "Our goal is to work to extinguish from our culture that any form of violence is valid," explains Carmona, for this expert, "those parents who maintain that it works and defend the slap on time, they believe it because they get the desired behavior momentarily, but it is a painful mirage. What that child is doing is responding to expectations out of fear, to avoid the blow, he does not learn anything. "
In addition, Carmona believes that the "minor, to learn something, is that violence is a valid tool." The psychologist explains that the cheek has to do with an impulse. "No father, or almost none, plans to give a slap", The expert argues, and believes that these situations "tend to be the result of impotence, lack of control and resources, fatigue, and blockage." "It is true that sometimes children take us to the limit, but it is our responsibility to learn not to react, and when they are educated from love and respect, children are able to detect when they are not being treated well and defend themselves", concludes Carmona
Verónica Pérez, a child psychologist at the Raíces center, adds that "the problem we find is that there are many families who still do not know any other way to set limits other than physical or verbal violence, which is why it is so necessary to detect these deficiencies and help to create alternatives for acting at home ". This expert says that "parents feel guilty after hitting their children, but in a similar situation they return to violence. They have to be aware of the great responsibility that comes with educating and seeking help if they do not know how to deal with these situations. "