July 4, 2020

"For many years I felt that I did not deserve friendship"

Victim of harassment in his time of institute, the economist, disseminator and writer Raúl Rodrigo says he continued to feel for many years that "he did not deserve" the friendship of anyone because "it is not something that heals in two or three years, since it leaves very lasting scars "and requires a great job of emotional recovery.

This is how Rodrigo (1982, Burbáguena, Teruel) describes it in an interview with Efe on the occasion of the publication of the book "My recipe against bullying" (Desclée).

A book that is a story of overcoming in which the author (Bachelor of Economics and Sworn Account Auditor) takes the opportunity to claim more sensitivity against loneliness and isolation, because they are "forms of harassment without aggressions that leave many emotional sequels and much pain".

It is also a manual to "help those who suffer harassment or who want to help those who suffer," written by Rodrigo after verifying that there was no publication that combined personal experience with growth tools and that, "without victimism, revenge or resentment "will help overcome bullying" from empowerment. "

QUESTION: Why have you used direct language?

ANSWER: Because in addition to serving someone who is suffering harassment, I realized, when I started to give talks in schools, that we had to work hard with classmates who were being passive accomplices and who were not taking sides. That is why I address several fronts. Especially since, to help the stalker, you have to appeal to his parents, his teachers and his classmates.

Q: What led you to give talks?

A: The intuition that I had something to contribute. I knew I had a very valuable experience and personal growth.

Q: Why don't you reveal your harassment?

A: I would have no problem, but I think it is important to reinforce someone who suffers harassment and tell them that they do not have to look for "whys," since they can lead you to disguise yourself for who you are not and incur more serious things for self-esteem. We know that they focus on us for something that defines us and that is negative in the eyes of the socially accepted.

Q: "Each and every day I went to the institute during 3rd and 4th of ESO I dreamed of becoming invisible or disappearing" or "of those two years I remember loneliness, shame and anguish." These are some of the comments reflected in the book, in which he insists a lot on the feeling of "loneliness and isolation." Why?

A: Because it is my reality. We look very much at the aggressions, but we do not realize that loneliness and isolation are forms of harassment that leave many emotional consequences, much pain, many insecurities and lack of self-esteem. It is more difficult to balance in isolation.

Q: What scars do bullying leave?

A: There are many diagnosed by experts, but, in my case, a lot of fear of loneliness. Although I have been fortunate to have many friends in adulthood and all that happened, for many years I was very afraid of being alone in many areas.

And also the feeling of not deserving the friendship that comes after you, which has a very great risk because, if you think you do not deserve, something adopts a servilist attitude, which can lead to them taking advantage of you or returning to be unfair to you for not having developed your strengths.

I am aware of having felt that I did not deserve friendship later and for many years. It is not something that heals in two or three years, and that I have many emotional resources.

I like to remind that to the boys, so that they do not believe that the bullying lasts a course and is already there and that they do not think that it is going through a year, because the consequences will last and then it will have to develop a great job to recover.

Q: Who are responsible for the harassment?

A: Obviously there is a degree of responsibility in the person who exercises it, but one of the things that I claim a lot is that the person who executes it is also a victim in another place, except on a few occasions in the case of someone with a pathological disease or of mental health.

In most cases it is rooted in a problem of the aggressor at home or in his own personal experiences. They are years of adolescence in which the aggressor discovers things of his sexuality, of his personality, of his limitations that he cannot accept, and that anger and frustration channels him in the way he finds and sadly so.

P: Do not hesitate to state that the accomplices are equally responsible for the pain of a stalker than the stalker.

A: If there were not, there would be no harassment, because it would be almost ridiculous. If someone insulted and laughed no one thanked him, he would be in an anecdote. That is why it is very important that we do work with all classmates.

Q: He insists on the need to count the harassment because he says that "it is a very complex and dangerous situation to deal with only her".

A: Adults have to insist to the full that, if it happens, tell them. But we have to be aware that they will most likely not do so, so it is necessary to observe changes in behavior patterns.

Q: Do you recommend the change of center to a situation of harassment?

A: If the situation is dramatic and serious, yes. Running away is also an option. I wish that all conflicts could be resolved, but I am aware that there are situations in life that are beyond our control, that are dangerous and unfair and that we must put our emotional and physical health first. Especially since there are kids who have come to take their lives.

Q: How has the teachers' response to bullying changed?

A: As from night to day. When I suffered it, the term did not exist and now there are action protocols. The teachers and most of the centers are very involved and have also managed to involve the students themselves, which for me is fundamental.

If they have managed to be considered an injustice and do not want these situations in their halls, we have done a lot.

Q: Do you think the action of psychiatrists and psychologists is necessary to treat the victims?

A: I see it totally necessary for all involved. Of course for the victim, but also for the aggressor and even for the parents. Do not be afraid of any psychologist. What a pity that we have that opportunity and not use it!

Q: Do you get out of bullying?

A: Yes, it comes out and there is hope! Everything happens and, if something good leaves, is that you get infinite resources that you take for the rest of your life and accompany you and help you in a lot of situations later.

By Olivia Alonso

. (tagsToTranslate) victim (t) harassment (t) senti (t) deserved (t) friendship

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