Confessions of an actor who went crazy | Culture

Courage and hope. On the basis of these two elements the show that the British actor forms Mark Lockyer presents on the theatrical stages for several years. Brave because Living with the lights on it is, literally, a confession to the voice of the descent into hell that lived this interpreter for the bipolar disorder he suffered. And hope because the objective of this autobiographical narrative is to offer help to all those mental patients who believe that from that well you can not leave. Mark Lockyer, 53, who has worked with the most prestigious dramaturgical directors in his country and who was part of the Royal Shakespeare Company, today he says it loudly: "Now I am a happy person, nothing is impossible. Telling it is a way to offer hope to all those who are suffering from any type of mental illness today. "

Living with the lights on, who has toured the stages of Europe and last year was at the Teatre Lliure, in Barcelona, ​​this weekend Spanish Theater, of Madrid. It was in 2008 when Lockyer began to perceive a rare terror when it came to going on stage, he realized the lack of memory before the texts and how the crying in the corners of the office was becoming more common. Diagnosed of severe bipolar disorder, the actor lived a few years from hostel to hostel, from hospital to hospital. "I lost everything. Bipolar disease destroys the lives of people forever, "he confesses in a meeting with journalists in Madrid. Three years later, he decided to start collecting all the information lived to tell in small circles of acquaintances and friends. I was looking for a kind of exorcism from those years in hell and that people really knew what had happened. "This way they could judge me with knowledge of cause", adds the actor.

What started in private rooms, with notes written on paper as improvisation, jumped, not with certain difficulties, to the theatrical stages with a well structured script. He tried to take him to the theater several times but all the doors were closed. Nobody wanted to know anything about a play whose argument revolved around a mental illness. He kept it in a drawer until the director Ramin Gray encouraged him to put on a show with him. He is more than satisfied with the grain of sand that his role has contributed, mainly in England, to the debate around mental illnesses.

Each night that faces its past through the narration of this story (it has 75 functions), what it feels is tiredness. "To interpret in a brilliant and exact way all the feelings that I went through requires, for my part, all my art and technique, all the expertise that I carry inside. I can not allow myself to be carried away by feelings. It is not a function that plays with sentimentality and yes with truth and humor. It's a text in which I laugh at myself, what an idiot I was, "confesses Lockyer.

When the actor talks about his tragedy, he tries to relativize it and not put the focus on himself. "Everyone has experienced pain and bleeding due to various circumstances. I believe that God gives us what we can assume. One can always learn from the past and know what we have been wrong to take other options. I made many mistakes but then I learned from them. It is true that he was much younger. Today I think I'm wiser and I would not do many of the things I did then. "


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