“You pay too much attention to your son”, “is that if you always have a tantrum you go, in the end you will spoil him” or “what happens to your daughter is that she is too spoiled”. Have you heard some of these phrases from people around you? Mothers and fathers of high-demand children listen to them continuously.
Surely, many of you are all experts in high demand children because you have seen the list of videos we have on our YouTube channel in which the psychologist Úrsula Perona explains all the keys to this type of children.
But for those of you who are a bit lost in this matter, one of the points that Úrsula always emphasizes is that children in high demand They are not spoiled or spoiled children, but children with a more difficult temperament. So far everything is clear. But … then how can we know if our son or daughter is in high demand or their behavior is due to having spoiled them too much? Let’s see the differences between these two profiles.
Spoiled / spoiled girls and boys
To begin with, it is important to clarify what we mean by spoiled or spoiled child. Society tends to label children this way when they present bad behaviorsespecially when your wishes are not granted. As Úrsula Perona tells us, we tend to understand that spoiled children are:
They want all their wishes to be granted, they don’t tolerate frustration.
Tyrannical attitudes towards their parents or towards those who do not fulfill their wishes, speak badly, blackmail, annoy them …
They are selfish, self centered.
With little empathy, they want to make a profit and they don’t care too much about how that impacts others. However, as we well know, behind these bad behaviors there are usually hidden reasons, reasons that are leading our son or daughter to have that certain behavior.
Children in high demand
However, Úrsula Perona explains that: “A child in high demand when he has bad behaviors or tantrums is because he cannot tolerate frustrationIt is not related to being spoiled too much, but to the characteristics of his personality, “says Úrsula.
Among these characteristics mentioned by Úrsula Perona, hypersensitivity stands out: “They are very sensitive children, who experience emotions with great intensity, both positive and negative, and overflow. That’s why tantrums, screaming, crying appear … because they don’t know how to handle their emotions. ”
But instead, “they are boys and girls very empathetic, that when they hurt others they realize, that they ask for forgiveness, that they suffer … nothing to do with being spoiled, “explains the psychologist.
Úrsula also points out that “the other characteristic that we can distinguish in high demand children is the need for constant attention they demand, but they demand it because of these characteristics of their personality that we were talking about: they feel helpless, alone, they depend a lot on the adult. . All this caused by that difficulty in being able to manage emotions. For example, they don’t know how to manage boredom, so they constantly demand that the adult play with them. ”
Can high-demand kids turn into spoiled kids?
As Úrsula Perona explains to us, “It is true that if the high-demand child is not educated well and is not accompanied well, behavior problems may appear when they are older. This is because they have a strong character and are very persistent, they know very well what they want and they defend it very forcefully. ”
“Therefore,” says Úrsula, “if we don’t learn to set limits for them, and to be consistent and consistent, more serious behavior problems can appear.”
In summary, Úrsula Perona clarifies that “High demand children are loving, affectionate, empathetic, sensitive, although they may have behavioral problems derived from their lack of ability to manage their emotions, their intense personality and their strong temperament “.
In general, from the misunderstanding of people who do not know the characteristics of high demand children, from the outside, “they tend to see that parents spoil them too much or that they are too attached to their parents because they are spoiled, and have nothing this has to do with reality. The reality is that the child exhibits these needs because he really needs them, but he has not yet matured enough and, therefore, he has not learned to correctly manage the emotions that these needs produce “.