'Alone, drunk, I want to get home' or how alcohol is used to sexually abuse women (and it seems normal to us)

'Alone, drunk, I want to get home' or how alcohol is used to sexually abuse women (and it seems normal to us)

'Alone, drunk, I want to get home'. The motto was one of the most repeated by the thousands of women who attended the demonstrations in support of the survivor of the multiple rape of 'the herd' and can be heard in any 8M. The premise is this: we women want to get home safe and sound, without any man believing he has the right to rebuke us, follow us, attack us, touch us. Nor if there is alcohol involved. Arriving home alone and drunk is the cry against the widely accepted idea that getting a woman drunk or taking advantage of her being drunk to approach her sexually is a legitimate strategy.

It is just the idea that the streamer El Xokas, followed by nearly a million people, released without complexes in one of his last live broadcasts. The Xokas recounted how, when they went out, his friends stayed sober and approached drunk girls to flirt and "take girls who were high." “A girl who would usually see you as a four sees you as a seven because she's high. Then it is much easier. You are serene on top, you measure your words perfectly... Sucked! (...) He drank some juices and took it up the ass. He went out with us and always left with a girl. A crack, an out of series, the truth. A river uprooted, gain of fishermen. Each one who uses the technique that comes out of the balls seems like a fucking mother to me, ”he said by way of a joke in statements that went viral this Tuesday.

"It's that idea of ​​going hunting," summarizes Mariti Pereira, spokesperson for the Federation of Associations for Assistance to Victims of Sexual and Gender Violence (Famuvi). A hunting idea in which the stereotype marks men as insatiable predators willing to use any tactic and women as objects that must be careful. “The woman is conceived as a mere object that can be manipulated as you want and if she is drunk then better because it is easier to manipulate her. It is a very assumed strategy for a very long time, ”she continues.

The anecdote of El Xokas, the strategies of his friends and the approval of the rest, and the spread of that 'invite drinks' to try to get sex or take advantage of the fact that a woman is drunk or drugged are part of the so-called rape culture . “This case exemplifies very well the fabric of this rape culture. It is a set of thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that promote and justify male sexual violence against women”, explains the expert in sexual violence Bárbara Tardón. If this culture is maintained and perpetuated it is precisely because, as in this case, many of these behaviors are normalized and even go unnoticed.

The objectification of women's bodies, the use of misogynistic language, the ridicule of violence and its seriousness, or the eroticization of aggression itself are factors that sustain this culture of rape and that are also present on this occasion. “And a central element that appears in this case is the insult and lack of empathy towards women. I speak of a dehumanization of women understood as objects of use to satisfy power and sexual pleasure”, adds Tardón.


The experience of experts and associations allows us to know that, in addition, when a woman has suffered some abuse or aggression and she had voluntarily drank or taken drugs, the guilt appears with even more force. “The guilt increases, I see it from my daily work with the victim. Many people are still going to question that if she was drunk, perhaps she deserved what happened to her, there is the burden of guilt because the idea that we have favored that situation continues to be held, ”says Mariti Pereira. Guilt reaches such an extent that in most cases women do not file complaints, she says, because they consider themselves responsible for what has happened to them "and they end up shutting themselves up at home between four walls."

"Alcohol has always been the perfect excuse for impunity for aggressors and for holding women responsible for sexual assault," recalls expert Bárbara Tardón. And she remembers: "alcohol is never responsible, but always the aggressor who decides to commit that act."

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